Tuesday, 16 February 2010

The Fair Maid and the Unicorn

Virgin and Unicorn, by Domenichino (1605-6) - via Wikimedia Commons - public domain.I'm presently in the throes of going through my various backups and archives, restoring many curious files from strange discs and formats into ready readability. Having finally found a way to bring back the electronic version of the infamous Kitchen Sink novel, I discovered this little ditty filed along with it by mistake.

There is absolutely no excuse for it, so I shan't even bother to attempt one. In the spirit of misery's loving company principled pixel-stained technopeasant solidarity, I hereby make a free present of it to my faithful public, reserving unto myself only the right to be blamed for it wherever it goes. Enjoy!

The Fair Maid and the Unicorn


There was a magic unicorn.
There was a merry maid.
They met up by a mountain-bourne.
"Good morrow, Sir!" she said.
"All Faerie things adore my ways
So cheerful, chaste, and pure!
Is that how I should spend my days?
I'm b*****ed if I'm sure!"

The Unicorn said, "Listen, Sis,
The road you walk is hard.
You'll end on biscuit tins, I wis,
Or on a birthday card,
Forever smiling, winsome, chaste,
And fresh as falling snow.
Is such a future to your taste?
I'm f***ed if I should know!"

The Virgin cried, "Well, starch my socks!
The end of maiden's game is
Forever on a chocolate box?
Nay, call me Semiramis!
Come, shepherds all – aye, sheep! – to bliss:
Lay on and never stint it -
Let's see the card they make of this!"

Aw, nuts! They didn't print it.

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