In a historic, nay even prehistoric, victory for the heroic crusaders of the War On Obesity, special temporal education commandos have gone back in time and radically slimmed down the dinosaurs. Apatosaurus louisae - better known to my generation as Louise "Thunder Thighs" the Brontosaurus - speaks for a grateful archosaur community when she declares:
"I used to weigh in at 32 tons and never got invited to loft parties, but with professional help I've got myself down to a lissome 16 tons, and what do I get? Still no invites, and now no deep-fried Häagen-Dazs and chips either? Bastards! Give me back my chocolate! THUNDER! THUNDER! SPLAT!!!"
Her Ministry of Mind Body and Spirit case-worker could not be immediately reached for comment.
Following the signal success of this programme, the leaders of the Free World are said to be mulling a similar retrospective extension of the War on Terror, thereby eliminating the other 16 tons and completing the War on Obesity's unfinished business; because, I mean, deinos sauros, it's not like the lousy boneheads are even trying to hide it, is it?
Nature's Bounty - (This poem is brought to you courtesy of one too many forage enthusiasts being Wrong on the Internet about the merits of nomming on random bits of black ni...
1 year ago