Monday, 8 June 2009

Taking the Waters

Manneken Pis statue, by 'CHG' - public domainSo the Euro-elections are over, and there is much agonising over the returning of two jacksuited fascist ratbags to represent our fair nation in the hallowed halls of Brussels. I'm none too chuffed with this result, myself. Did somebody enfranchise everybody's lower bowel while I wasn't looking? As for Margarita my English dragon, she has hidden her head under her wing in shame, and retired beneath my bed with the local Tesco's entire supply of spongecake - nor any shortage of booze in the blender.

The BNP leader, Nick Griffin, informs us that his success is a sign that the "waters of truth and justice and freedom are flowing again". I can only assume he alludes to the waters that flow eternally in the city of his destination, from its appropriately iconic statue the Manneken Pis!

But let us, as good democrats, not be too churlish about this result. Clearly the voice of the people has spoken, and its methane must be duly respected. In this spirit of constructive engagement, I have composed a catchy little victory filk to the tune of Madonna's immortal dancefloor anthem Vogue, and dedicate it to the tireless band of what-you-may-call-'ems to whose labours we owe this historic achievement. Get down and boogie, my funky Black Shorts!


(Euros 2009 Un-Mix)

Strike a pose
Like heroes -
Volk, Volk, Volk
Volk, Volk, Volk

Look around, everywhere you turn's some fellow
Doing better than you
[manly frown] -
Even girls, and guys who're black or brown or yellow:
What's a white boy to do
[and he don't mean no Jew!]

When all else fails and it's hard to feel
Like a chappy who's some kind of use,
I know a real copper-bottomed excuse
For doing bog all about it at all, so

Come on, Volk,
Let your body move to a new step
[groove in the goosestep]
Heil! Heil! Heil!
Come on, Volk,
Let your mind just go with the flow
[Master-Race a-go-go]
You know you can subdue it!

All you need is a little Racial Spirit
So use it for what it's for
[to start a nice civil war]

Might is Right, and that Might do us all Right, innit?
What we Will is the Law!
[have a couple beers more!]

It makes no difference if you're smart or a clot,
Or if you've only one ball -
When you've got the Blood-Right and your neighbour has not
Then you can steal his stash - smash and grab all his cash - yo, heroes!

Come on, Volk,
Let your passions strut on the World-Stage
[work that righteous outrage!]

Heil! Heil! Heil!
Come on, Volk,
Let your fists just fly with abandon
[they've got Adolf's brand on] -
You know you've got to lose it!

Victory's where you find it -
How you get it, never mind it!
Truth is in the steel-toed boot:
That's how I argue so darn cute!
Racialist, royally pissed -
Come on, you ****s, who wants some?


Victory's where you find it
[write it on a bog wall]

Victory's where you find it
[smash in a shop window]

Major Quisling, Oswald Mo-
-sely, and Francisco Franco.
Ernst Röhm was a scummy guy.
Hey, who cares, 'cos so am I!

Young Horst Wessel. Haw-Haw, Lord,
Had a bloody good record!
Let's get down to Wagner's Ring,
Shake our big jackbooty thing!

They had style, they had class,
Just like Brigitte Bardot's ass.
Eva Braun was one cute Kraut!
Love Miss Mussolini's pout!

Leni's Triumph of the Will
Gives me such a dirty thrill!
Don't walk off now, I'm just started -
Why'd you act like someone farted?

Volk, Volk,

[Oi, you've got to
Let your spirit sing "Who ****ing wants some?"

Oi, you've got to just

Make up for never getting any...

Oi, you've got to



This production has been brought to you by mystical Qabbalistic conspiracies, a rapidly-diminishing stockpile of Wychwood Brewery Hobgoblin Ruby Beer, and my aggravated spleen.


  1. ***applause***

    (/me wants some Wychwood Brewery Hobgoblin Ruby Beer too!)

  2. Well, I would send you a virtual one, but the Hob is a notoriously poor traveller at speeds above Mach 4. I could post a description of the taste, of course, but that would just be cruel!


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